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Well it’s been a hell of a year but exams are finally behind me. I really think i stuffed most of them up but as Mum reminds me i always think that and end up being a star - her words, not mine! so i guess i should just chill till I get my marks.
# posted: 1:45PM
After all of the dramas on and off stage the play went off big time! the best thing was that my whole family came to see the play, even Mark got permission to go out for the night. because I play the father of a person with a mental illness I think dad could really relate to my character. I don’t remember ever seeing dad crying in my whole life. but mum said that he was sobbing during most of the scene i was in. I didn’t think it was possible - but i feel so proud of that. I don’t want my dad to be upset or anything - it’s just that he has had a pretty bad time of it lately and I really think he needed to let off some steam. I‘m glad i could help dad to do this. sometimes parents also need someone to look after them too.
# posted: 12:26PM
Jenna, Rani, Sarah and me have been asked to become group assistants. that means that after christmas Rachel will train us up so we can help her run groups like the one that we were in. Another good thing that’s come out of this is that dad has realized that Mark’s problems are not going to just go away. he’s agreed to get family counseling and spoke to the psychiatrist at the hospital that Mark was in. Go Dad!
# posted: 2:31PM
All these rehearsals are making me realize that i’ve been bitten by the acting bug in a big way. I always thought being a physiotherapist was what i wanted to do but I’ve changed my mind. I want to be an actor. It’s such a buzz to be mouthing important words. I so hope I don’t stuff up
# posted: 12:26PM
Majorly stressed about the play - 3 weeks to go. having the play is another thing to worry about. but it’s good because it means I get to pretend to be someone else. I wonder if Mark ever feels that way?
# posted: 12:26PM
Last week Mark took some pills . . . lots of them. on tuesday we didn’t see or hear much from him and started to realize that something was not quite right. He’d put a padlock on the door, so dad had to bust it to get in. so he’s back in hospital. I know it may sound strange but I’m just so relieved that he’s somewhere safe. I just want my brother back. since he’s been in hospital the house has been so quiet. but I’m still finding it hard to study.
# posted: 5:30PM
Sarah has come out of hiding. It seems that everything was just getting to her. She couldn’t go out because she had no money. I offered to take her out to my favourite restaurant. that seemed to cheer her up. she said she has felt pretty down on her luck like she doesn’t deserve someone like me. as if! Rachel has also been a real star. I told her about how i have really been finding it tough to concentrate on studying for the exams. Rachel offered to let me use the group room if no one is in there.
# posted: 8:27PM
Mark thinks everyone is out to get him. he’ll only come out of his room to go to the toilet or eat . . . he won’t even shower. he’s really starting to smell. but the worst thing is that when mum called the hospital they said that there were no beds. she’s even called the cops but they say they can’t do anything because he hasn’t done anything violent. Dad refuses to do anything and just says that Mark’s an attention seeker. He reckons that if we ignore what Mark’s doing it’ll all be fine. i don’t think so.
# posted:2:25PM
Yesterday mum found out from David that Mark hasn’t been turning up to his appointments and has stopped taking his medication. when mum asked Mark why, he said it was because there was nothing wrong with him. meanwhile, he is too scared to go outside his room. explain that!
# posted:8:26AM
I swear my life is so strange at the moment. It’s like some bloody full-on sci-fi film. the first unexplained phenomenon is my relationship with Sarah. when we first started going out we were inseparable. suddenly she doesn’t want anything to do with me. She says it is because she is so tired all the time, but I wonder whether she is just gone off me. maybe it’s because I have been putting on weight since i stopped playing football. I talked about it to Rani and she says I’m being too sensitive and that I look the same as always.
# posted:8:26AM
The play seems to be shaping up quite nicely. we had an unofficial pre-show cast party, which was pretty wild. I talked to to Rani a fair bit. She’s having almost as much of a rough trot as me. but it’s Jenna I really feel sorry for, her parents didn’t let her come. i think they’re real stressheads.
# posted:8:26AM
I’m really worried about Mark. he seems to be acting kindof weird. the other night I came home really late from the party and heard him talking to someone. when I tried to see who he was talking to he wouldn’t let me in. so I asked him if he was okay. He said he wouldn’t come out because there were alligators in the carpet. He was totally freaking me out. I told mum about it and she said she’s been worried about him too. Mum ‘s going to call his case manager at the community health clinic and see how he thinks Mark is going.
# posted:10:10AM
Oh my god - i have so much homework and so little time it’s so not funny. seriously, i don’t know how they expect you to blitz year 12 and have any kind of life. help i’m drowning!
# posted:12:18PM
I went over to Sarah’s place the other night to help her learn her lines. she was acting really strange - like a major stresshead. I just couldn’t figure out why. then it clicked - she didn’t want me to meet her father. To tell you the truth I felt pretty freaked out about meeting him too. when I saw him the first words that came to mind were ‘burnt out’. I was also freaked out by the whole place. it really smelt bad of damp or something festy like that. I think I hid it well though. It was also difficult because seeing Sarah’s dad started me thinking about Mark. I wonder what he will be like when he is Sarah’s old man’s age.
# posted:11:22PM
Mark has been causing a lot of agro around the house . . . again. he is refusing to do anything during the day except sit around the house. when anyone asks him whether he can do a chore or whether he wants to go out he full-on bites their head off!
# posted:9:18PM
It’s heating up around here. for one thing Sarah and I are officially going out. A week or so after I was pulled from the footy team she came over with a teddy bear holding a flag saying ‘sorry’. Usually i would think that kind of thing was pretty lame but because it came from her it just felt kind of cool. We chatted and chatted. it’s really weird. usually I have to explain myself, but Sarah just seems to understand. even when we kissed, it just felt . . . easy. it is so nice to have someone who is so easy to be around. I feel a bit freaked out by how much i feel for her so quickly though.
# posted:9:18PM
Talked to Rachel today about being thrown off the team. she said that i could report him for discrimination. Rachel must have called Sarah so she called me and asked if i wanted her to come over. I still feel like crawling into bed so i asked for a rain check. she is a really cool girl and I really feel close to her. I feel closer to her than i do to just about any of my friends. hope she doesn’t think I’m a piker.
# posted:9:18PM
I can’t believe it! I’ve been given the boot by the coach. it all happened after i told him i couldn’t make the big game. He demanded that I explain why. i thought I better just tell the truth. I told him about Mark, and last year, and about the group that I go to. He went deathly quiet, which is pretty full-on for the coach. after being silent he said ‘well it’s your choice’. i thought he was okay about it. obviously he wasn’t.
The monday after the team’s big loss he called me in to his office and said he wants me off the team. coach is big on commitment and he said that he’s not sure that i am ‘emotionally stable enough’. I couldn’t believe it. I acted cool, but inside i wanted to pack up. All the footy guys have been giving me shit about Mark. even wazza has been giving me the cold shoulder.
# posted:3:38PM
Our footy team beat the unstoppable Toowong. this means we have secured a place in the under 18s quarter-finals for our region. Sounds good and it is - except that the big game is saturday week. Don’t know what to do. Mum says i should go to the audition. Wazza said that I shouldn’t let my team down. Dad said ‘you can’t have your cake and eat it too’. dad can be such a wanker sometimes.
# posted:3:38PM
The group is going pretty good. I’m learning lots of interesting stuff about mental illness. I’m also finding out ways of living with Mark when he’s stressing me out majorly. another thing is that I’m getting close to some awesome people. it‘s freaky to think that only a couple of months ago I didn’t even know them. Better than all of this is that the group leader, Rachel has announced at the last meeting that we’d be putting on a play about mental illness. it sounds really interesting and i have secretly always wanted to be the next Heath Ledger. auditions are saturday week.
# posted:6:56PM
I have just become a fully-fledged member of that group for young people dealing with mental illness. So far there seems nothing to it - it’s just a bunch of people about my age sitting around eating pizza (meat supreme of course!) and chatting about our families. on the whole the people at the group seem pretty cool. there is this one girl, sarah who comes across all funny. U have to wonder why someone so happy is going to a meeting like this - i guess i’ll find out.
# posted:10:46PM
Well it’s official i deserve a medal. we slaughtered trinity football club over the weekend. the footy boys are so stoked about the win. they think i am a real legend for kicking so many goals - but then they thought that about Mark 2 years ago and look what happened to him. imagine if they knew about mark and about my group. I bet they wouldn’t think I was such a legend then. That’s why they’re absolutely not going to find out.
# posted:5:28PM
A week till school is back and I’ve been trying to get some reading in before the school year starts which is proving difficult. every time i try to study mum and dad ring me up to check on Mark or ask me to do chores that he used to do. I’m trying to stay positive but it’s really hard when you are living with this person who’s struggling to get on their feet after their whole world has crashed. you see last year mark had a psychotic episode and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. So mum has been at me to join this group for young people living with mental illness. she has been to a support group for parents and said it has really helped her deal with Mark’s illness. she said it would show mark I cared. I guess that’s another thing that i’ll have to make a massive effort to do.
# posted 10:18PM
Weeks left on holidays and still i can’t stop stressing about the year to come. I guess that’s the thing - it’s not just a year, it’s the year. my mate warren told me to chill and just enjoy year 11. that might be okay for him. he isn’t doing year 12 subjects and he doesn’t have the family stuff going on that i do. wazza also isn’t responsible for getting a whole football team into the finals, is he ;-)
# posted 11:45PM
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Brett, age 17
Favourite possession:
My Crumpler bag - fantastic for when I ride into school.
Favourite animal:
The Tasmanian Devil - because everyone loves a Devil !!!
What I like about myself:
My tenacity - like the Tasmanian Devil I won't give up without a fight.
Favourite celebrity:
David Beckham - for his ability to kick a goal ... and of course because of Posh Spice.
Favourite lyric:
My friends are so depressed
I feel the question of your lonliness
Confide coz I'll be on your side
You know I will
- 'My Friends' by Red Hot Chilli Peppers |
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